Spiritual Leader, My Butt: Some Blunt Suggestions on How to Cope When an Elder In Your Spiritual Group Turns Out to be A Perverse Piece of Crap

As promised, below is a practical follow up to this post.

Here is a list of things that I wish someone had said to me before I ever joined the Pagan group where I was molested and harassed by an "Elder in good standing". Hopefully it will help others who encounter a group run or co-run by a predator.

POWER CORRUPTS.
ALSO, SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST ASSHOLES.

A person in the role of religious leader commands a certain level of respect and trust from those within his or her group. However, there are always going to be some people who gain power, have it immediately go to their heads and start thinking that their leadership role in one aspect of life puts them above others in all aspects of life. They feel entitled to exploit those looking to them for leadership, and do it without conscience, playing up the "wisdom" and "initiatory knowledge" they offer in return. A particularly vile subset of these corrupt religious leaders extends his or her sense of entitlement to the bodies of adherents -- or to the bodies of their children. As much as we don't like acknowledging it, some Elders are completely corrupt, and some of those will either try to weasel into your pants or should never be left alone with your kids.

It's sad to think about, and sadder still to have to plan for. But if you don't face facts, and learn the warning signs of such predators, you and your loved ones end up more vulnerable to them.

RELIGIOUS LEADERS' AUTHORITY ENDS WHERE YOUR RIGHTS BEGIN.
FULL STOP.

If someone in your spiritual group has made you genuinely uncomfortable, ignored basic physical, emotional or privacy boundaries, made exploitive demands or tried to manipulate you, it doesn't matter what rank they are or which gods they claim love them. They have exceeded their rights and abused their authority, and regardless of whether the other leaders oppose or protect them, they do not deserve your respect. Certainly, they do not deserve your trust or your unquestioning obedience -- though this kind of person will demand it the most.

IF THEY IGNORE YOUR RIGHTS,
THEY DON'T BELONG IN AUTHORITY OVER ANYONE.

The first thing you have to do when someone in religious authority over you attempts to abuse or exploit you or your loved ones is to remove their power and influence over you. This must be done emotionally, intellectually, and most of all, practically. Get away from that person, get your loved ones away, and get your head clear on dealing with him or her after that. Exploitive leaders are very persuasive, and will try to confuse and manipulate you or those close to you. You have to firm your resolve against these people and anyone blindly defending them (which, sadly, may include friends or relatives), and ignore what the predators are saying. Any incidentally valid points in their statements are guaranteed to be swimming in gallons of self-serving bullshit.

DON'T LET ANYONE MINIMIZE WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH.
INCLUDING YOU.

The biggest mistake I made in this situation was caving in to pressure to minimize the severity of what my own attacker did to me. I did this because at his most blatant, he was following me around an event constantly sexually molesting me while I was too tranced out (and terrified) to do anything. The head of the House and several elders witnessed his doing this, and said and did nothing. I made the mistake of convincing myself that I was overreacting somehow, because "more enlightened" people watched the whole thing and didn't give a shit. Now I realize that that was because the House leader and other witnesses were terrible people, but at the time I believed in them and followed their lead. Don't do this, and don't listen to anyone who tries to do it to you.

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, AND BE SMART ABOUT IT.

Document your experiences. Names, dates, who was there, what the circumstances were. But don't wait until you have a lot of documentation to speak out against the abuser.

Don't be scared to act up...intelligently, and with the purpose of exposing the predator. My predator's "defense" was that he was possessed by a spirit at the time he went after me sexually...multiple times, with multiple spirits involved. (Apparently West African tricksters, Hindu deities and Aesir all really love my badonk and can't keep their hands off it). Now this was a guy who was pretty much infamous for faking possession; the other Elders joked that his possessions were basically "him channeling him" a lot of the time. Yet they accepted his excuse. If I knew then what I knew now, I would have turned this on its ear. "Oh, gee, I had no idea I threw a drink in your face and called you a lying old pervert with a raisin-sized weewee in front of everyone. I was possessed!" Ah, missed opportunities.

If you are safe and can manage it, tell your abuser in no uncertain terms to stop. Do not, however, threaten any consequences. These people are masters of ass-coverage, and will scramble straight into that mode the moment they think some consequences might come of their vile actions. If you tell them there will be reprecussions, especially if you get specific, they will start planning their "defense" -- usually a character assassination of you. So just tell them that what they are doing is wrong and that you won't put up with them doing it any more, and leave it at that. Don't give them a warning, and thus lead time, when it comes to your plans.

Standing up to them can also be good for you personally, though the exploiter's reaction can be unpredictable. Some will be scared off by a show of backbone. Others will throw a tantrum, or try to "test" the new boundary to see if they can overcome it. This is why it is usually best to make sure this confrontation happens in front of witnesses. Not only is it less dangerous, but there is a good chance that he will show something of his true colors when confronted. Provided that your group isn't solidly composed of idiots, at least some of the witnesses should take notice.

EXPECT TO TAKE SOME HITS EMOTIONALLY.

Sadly, don't expect that you'll be able to resolve the issue by confronting your exploiter. Not only will these predators deny any wrongdoing, but they'll do anything they can to gaslight you and anyone else involved into believing the same. If someone responds to your saying "stop constantly staring at my breasts, it's making me uncomfortable" with "oh, sorry" and no longer staring, they weren't trying to exploit anyone, they were just being mannerless horndogs. Real exploiters don't give a damn. If they had enough conscience to acknowledge that they were doing wrong, they wouldn't be trying to use you or your kids in the first place.

UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE AT RISK.

These people are guaranteed to seek out other victims if you won't cave in. That means that you have a moral obligation to say something to your group. This will not be easy. A lot of people respond to news like this by denying or minimizing any incidents, at least at first. Be ready with your accounts of what happened, including details like where and when. Expect frustration. Expect to find out who your friends in the group really are.

SO SAY SOMETHING.
BUT DON'T EXPECT ANYONE WILL BE HAPPY TO HEAR IT.

Start with a trusted authority figure or senior member of the group. If you don't trust anyone in power in the group, skip this step and get the HELL out of the group. If you can't trust them, they can only help you grow spiritually at a distance -- by serving as an example of how not to act.

Warn others who might be vulnerable. New members, young members, those wrestling with mood disorders or recent loss. If this guy tried to target your kids and he's still breathing, make sure that parents in the group know why you called the cops on him.

Expect backlash. If you found no reliable religious leaders to go to in your group, or did not go to all of them, the others are guaranteed to kick up a stink about it, especially if the police end up involved. One of the craziest reactions that I saw in my old group, and have heard about in others, was that a statement of intent to go to the authorities if action was not taken was viewed as a serious threat to the group -- while having a sexual predator in a position of power among them barely seemed to bother them. Even if the group as a whole finally comes around to face facts and support you, at least some of them won't, especially at first, and it is going to hurt.

THE OTHER GROUP LEADERS MAY DO THE RIGHT THING.
BUT THEY ALSO MAY NOT.

Don't be surprised if challenging a well entrenched spiritual leader ends with your being cast out of the group. It isn't fair, it isn't rational, but for some reason a disappointing number of people will be more angry at the person who disrupts the group by seeking justice than at the toxic person who is causing actual problems. As an example, I gave the group leader the names and contact information of two other people whom my would-be predator had exploited sexually, and she never followed through. Her head remained firmly in the sand, and within a month I was out. It was painful, but it would have been less so had I prepared myself for the possibility.

IF THE GROUP TAKES THE PREDATOR'S SIDE, IT'S ON THEM.

Keep owning and standing up for the truth even if your spiritual group rejects you and claims you are lying or overreacting. This includes calling the police if your legal rights have been violated or your safety is threatened. Some may whine that the police may take the opportunity to harass the other members of the Pagan group, which is a possibility -- but only a possibility, whereas what happened to you and will continue to happen to others is actual reality. And let's be real: if the leaders of the group refuse to deal with the criminal in their midst in a way that protects other members, they have no damned business complaining when you're forced to go to outside authorities. They should have gotten off their butts when you came to them first.

LEAVE THE GODS OUT OF IT.

Don't let yourself believe that your treatment by a corrupt group of flawed human beings is supported by the deities or spirits the group honors, that these Powers will reject you for leaving the group, or that you need the group to work with them. Seriously, if your spiritual group put you through the kind of Hell that mine did, you don't need it to work with the spirits. In fact, your spiritual relationships can only be strengthened once you walk away from a bad group, because you won't be wading through their crap while you seek spiritual truths.

Don't waste time wondering why the powers that be didn't help you. In case you have not noticed by now, gods, spirits and deities don't exactly come running to our rescue when we're in serious physical-world trouble. Sometimes they step in in a real way, but it's unpredictable; thus, you cannot rely on them to save you from that or any situation. You need to rely on yourself, on trustworthy human beings and on the knowledge and experience of those who have faced or documented similar things before you.

Think about it. Genuinely miraculous occurrences happen, but they're pretty damn rare. The Ultimately Powerful, Eternally Loving Celestial Babysitter image of the Divine got drilled into a lot of us as kids, but it's crap. If it wasn't, no child would ever starve to death, no one would ever get away with murder and we wouldn't be dealing with a corrupt-scumbag infestation among religious elders in the first place. In reality, if you want the help of the Powers That Be, expect to do a lot of real-world work too. They will guide you, help you, maybe provide serendipity here and there -- but it's no substitute for standing up and dealing with things yourself. Spirit work and the help of the gods supplements positive personal action. It rarely if ever replaces it completely -- even when we really, really need it to.

If the gods actually do punish the douchebag in question, expect a wave of denial that would swamp the Queen Mary to go through any group members supporting him. Example: some time after I finally told the group about my would-be predator, and realized that they wouldn't listen to or protect me, he actually did get hit with a well-aimed Karma Hammer. The accident happened on a day very sacred to his head deity, the circumstances were inexplicable, and they quickly led to his losing his job and being kicked out of his condo by his now ex girlfriend. I commented quietly to the leader of the group: "wow, I guess (head deity) really didn't like what he did to me." She hastily dismissed it, saying "No, He was clearly just pissed off about (something else entirely)." After all, in her mind what her butt-grinding buddy did to me was no crime, and clearly nothing that would anger a higher being.

Thinking about it now, she always was a real piece of work.

My advice is that on the oft chance that Something Does Happen, don't be surprised if deniers blind themselves to it. If they do, don't listen; chalk them off as the moral cowards they are, and ignore their excuse-making.

IF PEOPLE ASK WHY YOU LEFT THE GROUP, BE HONEST.

It's hard to know what to do when you have to leave a spiritual group thanks to problems like this. All the rage may prompt you to start a revenge campaign of spreading your story everywhere. That is up to you, but unless you're very careful and calculated about it, and are ready to deal with an explosion of wank from your former spiritual home, it may be more trouble than it is worth. However. There is absolutely nothing obliging you to protect a group that harbors and protects a predatory pervert. So don't think you have to bite your tongue, smile, and give some noncommittal answer about how it "just didn't work out" if someone asks why you left. Tell your story. Be completely honest. People will draw their own conclusions, and your former group will throw a giant tantrum if they find out. But not only does it get a warning out about the scumbag and his enablers -- it's also how you find out that you're not alone. If I had not shared my story, I would never have met two of that piece of crap's other targets, or learned of others within the community who have been wronged. Solidarity with your fellow survivors is powerful: it helps give back the voice that your predator and those who sided with him tried to take away.

NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU WORK ON MOVING ON, IT WILL HURT FOR A WHILE. MAYBE A LONG WHILE.

Having a religious leader leap off his pedestal and try to land on you feet (or cock) first is painful. Having members of the group then circle the wagons against you hurts like hell, and so does watching other "enlightened spiritual leaders" go into such deep denial of wrongdoing that they even deny things they personally witnessed. Worst of all is realizing that it will be a hard, taxing fight to try and get any justice at all, that you will likely have to do it alone, that your detractors will defame you as crazy or a liar to discredit you, and that you can't expect to get any real vindication from it. My point is that however many of these things you end up experiencing, it's going to be rough to get over for a while. Therapy, spiritual work and support groups are all good options for getting through this time. But whatever you do, don't make your recovery dependent on seeing your attacker face justice or getting your former religious group to admit they were wrong. Realistically speaking, it may never happen, even if you go to the police. Seek justice, but do not rely emotionally on achieving it. It is a rare commodity in this world -- but one that will become less rare the more we keep fighting for it.

Revisiting the Unhappy Medium: Pagans Talk about Exploitive Elders

I just finished reading Lydia Crabtree's heart-wrenching article on the sexual exploitation currently being exposed in the Pagan community, The Fish Rots from the Head Down: Squid Eye and Sexual Exploitation. The first thing I have to say is: go read it. She describes the issue better than I could.

Since the arrest of Pagan elder Kenny Klein in March, the Pagan community is finally doing what it should have done decades ago: talking seriously, and in a very self-questioning way, about how much sexual exploitation is going on among us and what to do about it. As a survivor of some grotesque and blatant exploitation attempts, watching this all come out has caused me a lot of personal anguish. I know that the pompous ass who kept groping me and did worse with several others likely won't be among those facing the music. His House has already shown the extent they will go to protect him, and of course that will include lying for him as well as looking the other way.

In retrospect, the House was hardly into sexual ethics in general; it's possible that they literally believe that what he did to me was just fine. But whatever the case, they have his back. This whole blowup over Klein and the Frosts and various others has reminded me that Pagan hierarchies can be as bad as Catholic ones when it comes to butt-covering for the worst among them.

I will never understand why it is so hard for so many members of religious groups to understand that if an elder in your community is exploiting people sexually, he doesn't deserve his title or your support. Maybe it's shock, maybe it's pride, but continuing to support such people is irrational, and it hurts and endangers people, including children. The fact that you trusted him with personal secrets, followed his lead, and believed in him shouldn't make you go into denial when it comes out that he's been harassing, exploiting or straight up raping people. It should make you angry, because he's been lying to you about his character and trustworthiness this whole time.

But more often than not, status and popularity win over truth, and the victim gets revictimized by the group through denial, ostracism, criticism, minimalization of the incident, accusations of being crazy or wanting attention...it just goes on and on. That is what happened to me, and what has happened to a lot of other people, including underage kids. The fact that these people are covering for sex offenders never even seems to register with them. Maybe they're just really good at buying their own lies.

Now however, the truth is starting to come out about predators in the Pagan community, and though it's painful to read about, it can only be for the good. These predators thrive on secrecy, and those who have protected them deserve to be questioned as well. If you will stand there and watch while one of your elders repeatedly gropes and grinds on a tranced-out neophyte, and not only do nothing but deny later that anything untoward happened, you don't deserve to lead anyone.

Some may fret over a potential "witch hunt" starting, but if you actually think about it, the chances of that are rather rare. This fear is a distraction from the truth, similar to MRA whining about false rape accusations. Our focus should be on protecting the actual, real victims of sexual exploitation, instead of protecting largely theoretical victims of false accusations.

I wish that I had some way of helping to fix this, besides speaking out against it and offering help to fellow survivors. All I really have to offer are suggestions on what to do when you find yourself in a situation like I did, or when you see someone else going through it.

It seems ridiculous to have to be telling people how to avoid creepy Elders and deal with their predation attempts, instead of telling these so called "spiritual leaders" to stop being horrible creeps. But none of them are going to change until their chances of being caught at it go up enough that it deters them. Preparing people to deal with these kind of situations is one way to help improve those chances, as well as help them protect themselves.

The guide to avoiding and dealing with these corrupt Elders deserves its own entry. But it can basically be boiled down now to one thing: if someone in your spiritual group is harassing you or trying to con you into sex, or if someone comes to you for help because they're being exploited, SPEAK UP. Kick up a stink before things get worse, make sure that those in authority know, and don't be scared to threaten wider exposure if they don't move their asses.

If they are as toxic as my old House, you will end up out on your ear, yes--but you will be infinitely better off for it, as they will have shown their true colors. And of course, you can never go wrong with simply leaving a group where someone in authority is making you feel uncomfortable, and letting people know why from a safe distance. Had I known then what I know now, getting away from the House would have been my first step.

I hope that one day, people who are targeted by sexual predators within the Pagan community are the ones being supported by the group. I hope that we reach the point where when someone is victimized, they can speak up and know they will be heard, regardless of the status of their exploiter. Maybe one day it will be the exploiters who end up being ridiculed and ostracized, instead of those of us whom they have hurt. I for one think that's something to work toward.

Check-in after a very long time....

I took a few years off from any real shamanic exploration, in favor of working on getting various health issues under control. As it turns out, I had both undiagnosed and improperly treated problems, such as my apnea, which was woefully undertreated, thanks to a negligent doctor having me on the wrong settings for years despite regular check-ins. Because of this, I was getting the functional equivalent of about four hours of sleep a night--upward from about two a night previously since I was little. That's a lot of sleep debt. Now that I'm under the care of a competent sleep doctor, I can much more easily focus--including on spiritual matters.

A whole lot has happened since I set aside my creative and spiritual life to work on core personal issues. My therapist, George, who supported me for years while I was in the worst part of my struggles, died last year. I owe him for getting me writing again, for helping me to get past the anguish of being betrayed by my spiritual group, for helping me reconcile with my family, for teaching me to manage my emotions better and for helping get my anxiety attacks under full control. The guy really helped me get my feet under me, and he remains an inspiration.

I have semi-maintained my altar and gear since shutting things down for a while. The only spiritual work I have done is a little crafting, a little advising. Now, it's time to not only move the altar but also revamp the whole thing. I need to make room for George on the memorial section, and my ideas of altar layout have evolved considerably. I am realizing that I was still trying to cling to practices that have no personal spiritual meaning, giving equal space for spirits I honor but no longer work with, and being lackadaisical about design. I'm an art major--I can do better.

As I prepare to take up my rattle again, I have been using a tool which I originally started working with a few months ago for stress and insomnia. Binaural Beats are a kind of sound wave therapy, and are also very handy for masking outside sound when you are trying to meditate or journey. I have had surprisingly good results after several weeks of trying it out--though only while using headphones. I'll probably do a more detailed write-up after another few months of testing.

Here is a link to a free Binaural Beats web site.

Unhappy Medium: Why I'm Not An Initiate in Any Possessory Traditions

I just had another run in with someone who was absolutely horrified that I have an altar set up and work with spirits at all when I am not initiated into his tradition. Because I am not, he claimed, I am automatically serving the wrong spirits, am being deluded by negative spirits, cannot possibly know what I am doing, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. My twenty years of experience mean nothing to this guy; because I'm not doing it his way, according to his tradition's rules, I am incompetent, fooling myself and otherwise Doing It Wrong. And he topped it with another old saw: I am Endangering Myself.

I get bullshit arguments from people like this about once every few months. Smugly convinced that theirs is the One True Way, and that they have the right to judge other people's practices by their standards even if that person is from another system altogether, they universally claim to have my best interests at heart while insulting me, talking down to me and picking away at my beliefs. I need a formal teacher, they claim--and I should pack up my altar and avoid anything spiritual whatsoever until I find one. So when I engage them and ask, "OK, so, are you planning to teach me or help me find a teacher, or are you just here to try and shut me down?" they hem and haw or say it isn't their responsibility or that they don't know anyone in my area--and so on, and so forth. People like this would rather have me back at the point I was before the Umbanda house sucked me in: alone, desperately looking for a teacher and crying daily because I need spirituality in my life but couldn't find anyone reliable to teach and initiate me. The joy and satisfaction I get from working with my spirits and helping other people is nothing more than a dangerous delusion, they claim; without their in-group's stamp of approval, I actually have nothing.

That this is horseshit should be self-evident to anyone with any sense. But it always upsets me. Not because I think there's even a particle of truth to their judgment of me, but rather because it brings back some very painful memories. You see, there are reasons why I do not have a formal initiation into any traditions, and it all boils down to one painful truth: People Suck.

First off, you have a lot of mediums who will not teach white people period, and have plenty to say about why. White people are culture vultures. White people won't take it seriously enough. White people just want instant gratification and won't stay the course. White people just think ATRs are trendy. Blah blah stereotype blah. Because I'm white, people like this feel free to tell me that I'm wrong for even seeking out training, for the above "reasons". I can't even walk into a botanica to buy a freaking bottle of Florida Water without being stared at, and if I ask questions I run into a wall of Spanish and suspicious looks. I'm sorry that so many white people actually have jackassed around with other people's traditions, but I don't want to waste my time trying to convince some paranoid, bigoted person that I'm sincere and hardworking when I know it won't work. I have tried it multiple times before and they never budge a single inch. And why would I want to learn from someone like that anyway?

Then you have people who would be happy to teach me--for a great big giant pile of money. Oh, and please ignore the fraud reports and complaining former customers and initiates. Or the fact that I seem to know more about the spirits than they do. Pay no attention to the money-grubbing fake behind the curtain...

Some teachers are competent, openminded and willing...but they are invariably several states away.

And then there's the Umbanda house. The biggest reason why I'm not initiated and not part of a group has to do with the trauma I experienced at the hands of the one group that would take me without demanding piles of cash. Read carefully, because this is the only time I am going over this.

In the House there was an Elder. He was the only one who was willing to explain things to new people on a regular basis, he showed interest in us, and he was the only one who actually watched the new mediums during trance to make sure we wouldn't get into trouble. Sounds like a great guy, right? Except that the information he gave out was incomplete, skewed and riddled with lies. That and he started sexually molesting me during bembes.

You read that right. This guy would follow me around, check to see if anyone was looking, and grab my breast or my crotch or shove his cane between my legs. He spent one event literally following me around grinding against me while pretending to be possessed--and none of the others did a single thing to help me even when I walked up to the other Elders while he was doing it so that it was happening in front of them. I was too shocked and scared to speak, and that just encouraged him. Either he would pretend to be possessed and molest me that way ("oh, the spirits are just getting frisky!"), or he would wait until I was too tranced out to defend myself and start in on me. It was terrifying. But at the time I bought into the lie that I HAD to initiate, and so I tried to stay on in the hopes that he would lose interest. But it only got worse. Finally, in desperation, I demanded that something be done or I would call the police.

The Umbanda house's other elders responded, all right. They labeled me as "crazy", "oversensitive", and "prudish", and threw me out. It did not matter to them that six other women in the wider community had accused him of the same thing. It did not matter that they had witnessed him doing those things to me. I was "stirring up trouble" and so they got rid of me.

It was the last straw. Since that time I have practiced alone, and been very reluctant to try again with another group. In fact, I only started networking with members of other possessory traditions again about three months ago. VERY tentatively networking. You don't get burned this many times, and to this extreme, without a teensy little bit of reluctance.

So whenever some jackass comes along and tries to tell me that I MUST initiate, and must not practice in any form without an initiation, I feel like screaming. "Initiate with whom? How the hell do I find someone unprejudiced, reliable and local? And HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW THAT I CAN TRUST THEM?" But I doubt said jackass would care. My story, what I've suffered, what I've learned, the efforts I have made or how my life has improved since I went back to solitary shamanic practice don't matter to them. All they see is someone going it alone whom they want to shut down. And the more it happens, the more reluctant I am to associate with other mediums AT ALL.

I've shed enough tears over this. The next one of them who tries to tell me that I MUST STOP PRACTICING, THE SPIRIT WORLD IS FOR INITIATES ONLY is getting the link to this page, and a hearty GO FUCK YOURSELF. They would take from me what I cherish in the only form that I can practice it, and what the hell gives them the right?

All I Ever Wanted To Be

When I was a little girl, if you had asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have had a straight answer for you from the age of five on. I wanted to be a Catholic priest. Not a nun, mind you; a priest. Leaving my other issues with mainstream Catholicism aside for the moment, obviously that was never going to happen. But it did not stop me from my aspirations; I was five, very idealistic, and amidst my post Civil Rights Era upbringing, the idea that God was actually that sexist struck me as impossible. (It still does. The Church, on the other hand...but that's a whole other rant.) What drew me to priesthood?

Love of God was the big reason; a deep sense of devotion, a desire for a life of service, and a desire to help and advise people in ways that could really change their lives. I wasn't thinking about power, social position or influence. Even then, my heart at least was in the right place.

Then came the beginning of my spiritual search; leaving the church and exploring religion after philosophy after spiritual path in the search for one that rang true for me. I learned a great deal; the number one lesson was the fact that there are many paths that have value and can be very fulfilling for the right adherents. But for me, the right fit just never seemed to come. I know now that this is because I am supposed to take a primarily shamanic path. But meanwhile I spent a lot of time stumbling around, meeting people horrid and wonderful, and more wonderful spirits than horrid. My longing to act as a spiritual servant and counselor never wavered, but my faith in divinity and human organizations certainly did.

The search ended for me not that long ago, and my shamanic practice is again a significant part of my life. The difference is that now there is beginning to be a public side to my practice. I am no longer simply working to learn and advance my understanding and strengthen my ties with my spirits. Now, I have people coming to me for help and instruction. The old aspirations are stirring again. And sometimes it gives me pause. Am I really ready to act as confidant, counselor and spiritual channel for others, even on a small one-on-one basis?

The people I have helped so far seem to think so; the spirits seem to think so. And I am again facing the fact that work like that is, aside from my writing and art, really all I ever wanted to do with my life. Yes, I'll be doing it as shaman--and sometimes witch or medium--instead of as a priest or pastor to a congregation, but I'll be doing it. Am doing it. In small ways, thus far, but I have the feeling that that is going to change. And it feels good. It feels that I am finally, if in small ways thus far, doing what I am supposed to be doing with my life.

Beware of Those who Brag and Shout...

One thing that I have come to realize is that the louder a person trumpets their spiritual "talents", the more likely they are to be either self-deluded or raging frauds. Sadly, I have seen far too many examples of this, especially (big surprise) on the Internet. 

There is a place for pride in one's accomplishments and spiritual connections. By no means am I advocating that we all turn into hypermodest and self-denying hermits who never advertise our services or seek to build a reputation as the real deal. Whether you are a card reader or a full fledged minister in a faith, if you have a real connection with Divinity that you are nurturing and in turn using to help others, you have a right to the self confidence and sense of accomplishment that comes from that. I'm not talking about such people. I am talking about the complete blowhards of the magickal and spiritual communities.

We've all met them, at least those of us who have been around the block a few times. People like that include the arrogant church deacon who badmouths his fellows to elevate himself; the medium who likes to put on a giant show to get attention but never actually submits to possession, and my current favorite, the racist, braggart Mambo. There are two examples of the RBM clogging up the Internet right now; one is more famous and successful than the other, but both behave in about the same way. The chest-pounding about "power", "effectiveness", "authenticity rarely found elsewhere" and so on is endless. If a competitor or questioner arises, that person must be SQUASHED through verbal attacks, harassment and character assassination. And woe betide an actual customer who dares complain....

If they weren't hurting others and doing disservice to the spirits, these people would be almost comical. Both come on very strong, offering a lot of "free information" which always leads back infomercial style to advertising their products and services. Both consistently badmouth other races in similar fashion (one RBM is white, the other black, but the behavior is near identical). Both claim to have special privilege with the spirits; there is actually a video where a smug RBM brags about her initiation, claims that a certain very popular Lwa "is hers" and that she is his voice, and compares uninitiated people who call on him (which would include the majority of Hatians) to stray dogs. Both have hair trigger tempers and jump eagerly to attack others, both drag their friends and initiatory family into their Internet fights for "backup", and both have developed a reputation for tantrum-throwing, threats, money hunger and fraud. The problem is that along the way, they have taken a lot of people for a lot of money and damaged a lot of people's faiths. And that is unforgivable.

Anyone who has been burned by a spiritual fake can describe to you the detrimental effects of trusting someone like that. But how do we avoid them? First off, one must always listen to one's instincts. Anyone, no matter how much of an ass they are at heart, is willing to ACT nice and cordial and sympathetic when they have dollar signs in their eyes. But if you find yourself with niggling doubts about a spiritual leader who wants (usually a lot) of money to do a working or divination for you, LISTEN TO THEM. Step back. Move immediately on to the second and even more important step in  avoiding a fraud: DO YOUR RESEARCH. Read up on them. See what people are saying. Take note of what other people charge for the same service, and take note as well of any fraud sites where former victims of these people might have posted warnings. Just keyword searching their names can get you a wealth of information. In my case, it is how I learned that one of the RBMs I mentioned before has a long history of her initiates leaving on bad terms and denying association, even re-kanzoing to sever all connection with her house. The other one (the "voice of the Lwa") has a serious criminal record, including for attacking her own children, and is decried on various fraud sites. After learning this information I was very relieved that I had never paid a cent to either of them.

In the matter of possessory and other spirit-connected religions, from shamanism to Vodou, another key is to KNOW YOUR SPIRITS (research and talking to multiple people will help) and to know your spiritual tradition. Once you have that information in hand, do all that you can to WATCH AND LISTEN to the suspected fake without letting yourself get into a position where you are vulnerable to them. The medium I mentioned at the beginning of this post was a subtle performer with a lot of knowledge of the possessions he was faking, but it was only a matter of time before an equally knowledgeable person could spy out that it was all an act. I watched. I listened. I waited. My suspicions were confirmed when I watched him completely botch a faked Damballah possession. Damballah, a mute snake who crawls on the ground and hisses, was suddenly walking around making solemn pronouncements to people in a clear voice. It was a truly revealing moment, stripped away any remaining illusions about the man, and also removed much of my fear of speaking up against him, because he looked so ridiculous. Fakes can't maintain their act perfectly forever; eventually they expose themselves. The key is to make sure they don't get the chance to make off with your money or your trust in the meantime.

I suppose that what it all boils down to is that you should really GET TO KNOW any spiritual leader or service provider before trusting them with your spirituality or your cash. Nobody legitimate is going to mind if you spend some time considering and asking questions, because they have nothing to hide. I know that many of us only think of paying for a service when we are desperate, but desperation makes one vulnerable. It is a million times better to work on your problems from the physical world side while you take the time to make sure that the help you seek in spirit is actually trustworthy. Better yet is to make the acquaintance of spiritual workers outside of crisis time, so that you will already know who to go to when a problem crops up that you need help with. We don't bite--at least the honest ones of us don't!

Spiritual Airheads: the importance of balancing your realities

Every once in a while you'll run into someone who has immersed themselves so deeply in the spirit world that they've nearly forgotten how to manage in this one. You can tell these types by their airy disconnectedness, their inability to keep their feet on the ground, and a certain oo-a-butterfly distractableness which doesn't, in this case, require a physical butterfly. If you watch them for very long, you'll notice that the more stressful the situation, the more airheaded these types become; if forced to keep their attention on the physical world they become nervous, depressed or combative. Besides deeply frustrating those around them, these people are engaging in another problematic behavior: using the spirit world for personal escapism.

One cannot entirely blame them. The reality beyond this one is infinitely richer and deeper than the physical world alone, full of wild adventures and fascinating inhabitants. A skilled world-walker can, moreover, avoid trouble in the spirit world much more easily than in the physical; it's much easier to escape an attacker when we can fly or teleport or call powerful allies to our aid. But the spirit world's seductions do not excuse one from caring for one's body or responsibilities. Worst of all are those who neglect their loved ones because facing the physical world's trials and humiliations and bouts of grinding boredom is deemed too difficult for them to bother with.

How do I know about such people? Personal experience. I have been both the distracted spirit-head, and the person hurt and neglected by a distracted spirit-head. I understand the condition intimately. I also understand the basic reason why people become like that. Material life is hard. Rewards and victories are often hard-won and inadequate to the amount of effort put in. Justice is hard to come by. Most of all--and often the reason behind the other reasons, is the simple fact that a lot of people in the material world just suck.

Yeah, I said it. I know I'm supposed to be all about the peace, love and enlightened tolerance, but after ten years in one of the crappiest neighborhoods in the Bay Area, I don't have enough illusions left to pretend to be perfect. My basic love for humanity is intact, but that doesn't prevent me from noticing when others are being greedy, abusive, spiteful, childish, lazy, self-indulgent or otherwise assholish. Your spirituality will only do so much to help you cope when your landlord turns out to be a drug-addicted cult member and scam artist, your neighbor gets jealous that you have a real job and spreads vicious rumors about you to building management, or your neighborhood's crime rate goes through the roof. Practicality, good boundaries and a willingness to face the material-world crap will do you a lot better. Running off to dance with the spirits and ignoring the problem will not help you one damn bit.

The shaman must find balance. She or he exists with a foot in each world, and neither footing is more important than the other. Lean too far to one side and one loses contact with one's soul-half, one's allies and spiritual power; lean too far to the other and one's mundane life will collapse from neglect. To this end, it is always important to work in both worlds when you really want something to work out: ask your spirits for aid all you want, but be willing to put in at least as much physical world effort. Yes, "real" life is painful and confusing and many of the people you meet will be up to some degree of bastardry, but you disrespect both worlds by using spirit as a hiding place--and you leave yourself vulnerable to serious harm.